The Kobold & the Cat

This is the story of a helpful and industrious house spirit, called a kobold. He lived in a small village in Germany with the baker’s family. The baker, called the Herr, was a round and jolly man who enjoyed simple pleasures, like a seat by the fire and a smoke of his pipe. The Frau of the house was also round, with blond curls that peaked out in an unruly way from her cap. She had a big, full laugh that seemed to make the house shake. They had two children with heads of golden curls who filled the house with laughter and squeals.

Herr and Frau were hard working people. In fact, each morning they were up before dawn to bake the bread. They were messy cooks, and by the time the bread was ready to load in the wheelbarrow and take to market, the kitchen was covered in a dusting of flour. Off they would go, parting ways with the children down the road, who headed to school. In the evening they’d return with the wheelbarrow nearly empty. The children would come running home by nightfall to a hearty dinner prepared by the Frau of soup, sausages, cheeses, and any leftover bread.

After dinner was when the Herr would sit by the fire to smoke his pipe. The Frau would open a bottle of wine and sip it slowly until she’d finished it all herself. The children would play until bedtime. The Frau went to bed at the same time as her children, but the Herr would sit by the fire and have a few quiet moments to himself. This always resulted in him falling to sleep.

When the kobold heard the Herr’s snores, he knew his working hours had now begun. He’d climb up the great mountain of a man, over his ample belly, right up to his face, and take the pipe from his lips. He’d tap the pipe, emptying it into the ashes of the fire, and clean it well, then place it in its place on the side table.

Because the kobold had a magical gift of being able to call in the wind, he’d use it to bring in the cold night air in a rush, extinguishing the fire. Then he’d swirl the wind about, collecting all the ashes, and send them up the chimney to be dispersed in the night. This inevitably made the Herr feel the chill, which woke him up enough to lumber over to his bed, seeking the warmth of his wife.

Now, the kobold had the house to himself! He’d set about tidying up, as he loved to do. He’d go to the kitchen, and use the same swirl of wind to collect up all the flour. He’d then disperse it over the fields behind the house. He’d water the small plants on the kitchen window sill. He’d wash the dishes, dry them, and place them back in the cupboards. He’d collect the toys and put them in their basket. He’d occupy himself with this and that, being an admirable homemaker. When he saw the first light of dawn, he’d put the kettle on the stove and start up a pot of tea. Then, enjoying his tea in a tiny cup, he’d sit and bask in the first rays of the sun in his favorite spot on the window sill, watching the family prepare for the new day.

It was the perfect life for a kobold. His family was so appreciative! At Litha in the summer, they’d leave him berries and cream. At the Mabon in the fall, they’d give him hot apple cider and a warm, gooey fruit tart. At the Yule, they’d give him mulled wine and candied almonds. And at Ostara, they’d favor him with colored eggs, cheese, and warm bread. The kobold lived as happy as a clam, all smiles and satisfaction.

That is, until the Frau took in a stray cat.

It was not just any stray cat. This fellow had gray mangy hair that was missing in places. His meow pierced the ears most unpleasantly. He had one eye missing and the other looked daggers at the kobold. And he had the worst habits. Let me tell you about them all!

The cat loved to scratch at everything. Soon, the baker’s lovely house was covered in cat scratches. He scratched up the cushions of the couch until the stuffing began to come out. But the Frau just flipped them over to the other side when the family used them, and flipped them back again when they were done. Eventually, she took a day to sew new ones, which she hid in the wardrobe and only brought them out when they had company.

The cat’s long, spindly hair ended up everywhere. For some reason, the Frau loved to pet him endlessly, which seemed to make the hair problem quadruple. This added so much to the kobold’s work. Every night, as he summoned the wind to pick it all up, the cat would sit atop the wardrobe and eye him creepily. Sometimes he’d even growl!

At times, the kobold would enter the kitchen to find all the small plants on the sill had been knocked down. Even worse, if he left his little neat pile of flour sitting for too long, the cat would poop in it! Some insults were just too much!

In the evenings, when the Frau opened her bottle of wine, she’d toss the cork on the ground and the cat would pounce on it, chasing it crazily about the house. The Frau would laugh her big booming laugh, the children would scream with pleasure and give chase, and the Herr’s belly would bounce in a wheezy chortle.

But the kobold wasn’t happy. He wasn’t amused at all. He’d sit atop the pile of firewood watching the scene and wondering how he could convince the family to get rid of this intruder. If he did not, he knew his future was doomed to never have another moment of true peace.

One cold night in the deepest part of the winter, the kobold was filling the kettle to make his tea when he saw the mangy cat saunter into the kitchen with a cork in his mouth. He looked so snide and satisfied. The anger in the kobold rose up and he jumped down, hoisting the kettle above his head, ready to toss it at the feline.

Startled, the cat froze. But then, unexpectedly, a sour and unpleasant smell hit both of them, bringing a cold tendril of air with it, which wrapped around them, making them shiver. It was coming from down the hall! Something was in the house. They both quickly and quietly made their way to investigate.

They passed the Herr and Frau’s room first. A strange red haze hung over the bed, and the two seemed deeply asleep. The kobold and cat knew magic when they saw it! Their masters were under a spell.

But they sensed a greater threat from the children’s room. They crept up on the intruder and peaked around the door frame. There they saw an old woman hunched over the bed, taking red dust from a bottle, and blowing it out over the sleeping children. She was all in black and smelled like she was rotting. She had a pointed hat, unkempt bristly hair, and cobwebs clinging to her. Her hands were full of warts growing wiry hairs. She was singing softy:

Sleep, lovely children, sleep deep and long

Enjoy the enchanting sound of my witch’s song

When I get you home, I will prepare the fire

You are the tender meat that’s my heart’s desire!

The cat and kobold exchange a look of horror. Quickly, the kobold yelled, whacking the old woman in the legs with the tea pot. She gave a startled cry and whirled about. The cat leapt to the top of her head, knocking off her pointy hat, and digging deep with his claws. She screamed and started a curse, but it was too late to finish it, for everyone knows how a kobold deals with a witch.

Don’t you?

Well, since you don’t, I’ll tell you: He jumped up and bit her on the nose! This caused her to shrink to the size of a pixie. Not from the head down to the feet, but starting at the head and feet both, and shrinking to the middle, which suspended her a moment in mid air. Then she fell, giving a tiny little yell, and the kobold caught her in the tea kettle. He immediately clamped down the lid. The cat put his wine cork in the spout. Then the kobold quickly tied it around with invisible cords of wind, finishing it off with an elaborate knot that even another kobold couldn’t undo.

The two heroes made their way down to the river that wound through the village and tossed the teapot into the water, watching it float downstream until it was out of sight. Then, in a moment of spontaneous glee, they danced a little dance over the snow-packed earth and sang a song of their own:

You came to do evil in the dark of the night,

But we fought you and shrunk you and locked you up tight,

And now we can sing of our great victory

For we sent the old witch to float round the great sea!

Their happiness lasted all the way home. But when they reached the threshold of the back door, they suddenly realized they weren’t supposed to like each other. They pulled themselves together and tried to put on a more serious demeanor.

“I have decided you are not the worst cat in the world,” admitted the kobold. “I suppose you can stay.”

“I won’t poop in the flour anymore,” said the cat, “but that doesn’t mean I like you.”

And maybe, just maybe, after saving the family a few more times, the kobold and the cat can be friends.

The next day, the Frau was very confused. She couldn’t understand why the whole family had slept in till noon. Nor could she explain where on Earth the children got that pointy black hat. But the thing that really got to her was that she could not find her tea kettle to save her life! The cat and the kobold sat watching with knowing smiles.

The moral of the story is: Even enemies become friends to fight for what is precious.

The End.